


The Nameless Nothing

by kanekicure



Series: The Nameless [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Butcher Neil Josten, Communication, Detective Andrew Minyard, Gentle Sex, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Neil is confused, POV Neil Josten, Resolved Sexual Tension, Second Time, Sexual Content, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, sometimes u gotta ask ur partner if he wanna smash or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:02:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27449824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanekicure/pseuds/kanekicure
Summary: So, here’s the thing about having ‘oh my god I need you right now, before we lose each other and die’ sex - sometimes, you don’t actually die.Sometimes, by some miracle, you are still alive and you are so insanely glad but you also just had sex for the first time with the person you care about most in the entire fucking world and you have no idea where you stand in your relationship now.And you sorta, kinda, want to have sex with them again.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: The Nameless [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706071
Comments: 16
Kudos: 271





	The Nameless Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is a 1.5 thing between The Nameless Monster to The Nameless Reaper, I had this idea pop in my head and I had to write it lmaoooo
> 
> like that awkward are we gonna smash again or not, idea since they did sorta do it in the heat of the moment. 
> 
> If you haven't read The Nameless Monster, you might want too since this has BIG spoilers lol (obviously)
> 
> chapter song; Fall in Love by Barcelona (it works so well asidnfBJEKFA)
> 
> Enjoy! Thank you for all the amazing feedback on the last chapter. I love you all so much <3

So, here’s the thing about having ‘oh my god I need you right now, before we lose each other and die’ sex - sometimes, you don’t actually _die_. 

Sometimes, by some miracle, you are still alive and you are so insanely glad but you also just had sex for the first time with the person you care about most in the entire fucking world and you have no idea where you stand in your relationship now. 

Because now you know how their skin is slightly paler under their clothes, the way their muscles tighten and bunch when the hold themselves over you, the way they don’t only flush red in the face but it spreads to their shoulders and chest, how their face twists in pleasure, how their lips look red and swollen from kissing you, how their hips look when they are moving, twitching against you, how their hands feel _everywhere._

How they gasp and shutter against you and look at you like you’re so much more as they tuck you closer to their body and press their lips to every inch of your skin. 

Sometimes, _sometimes,_ you live and now you sorta want to have sex with them again. 

Neil Josten, now officially a proper, legal, name, has no fucking clue how to do this. He could never regret sleeping with Andrew, it was one of Neil’s few favourite memories - one that he revisited often. And Neil is pretty sure Andrew doesn’t regret sleeping with him, not by the way Andrew still holds Neil to his side or combs through his hair with soft hands- sometimes Andrew even helps him shower, redresses the bandages on his sides. Sometimes he’ll bring Neil’s forehead to his lips and kiss him.

But it never goes farther than those - soft kisses on necks, or cheeks, or hands curling around shoulders. It doesn’t matter if both of them seemingly want to go farther - Andrew makes no move too and Neil accepts that without question. 

He’s fine with never having sex or kissing Andrew ever again, if that’s what Andrew wanted. The only thing that truly matters to Neil is being beside him, in any way that he’s allowed to be. 

Andrew’s wants come first, as do his boundaries. Neil would never want to push those. 

But what if Andrew _does_ want more? What if he’s thinking of that night too? What if he’s holding back because of Neil? Assuming that Neil doesn’t want to do more. Andrew has a complicated history when it comes to intimacy, or sex - Neil’s known this from even before he had kissed Andrew. He knew that one of Andrew’s biggest fears was becoming like his abusers. 

But Neil knows Andrew couldn’t even come close, not with the way he had gently laid Neil out on the white sheets and took him apart. Gave them both that night together, away from the reality of their worlds. 

But now this means Neil is left in the dark, wondering helpless about what the best course of action is. Of how Andrew is really feeling.

It’s been two weeks since Neil got out of the hospital, and with Andrew’s insistence, Wymack refusing to allow them back to work for the next month and the addition of his ransacked home - he was staying at Andrew’s apartment. 

Neil had never really been here before, it was only something he’d seen in passing or in one case, in the heat of a breakdown, he had barely gotten the chance to look at the place. So now he was still adjusting to the small home that Andrew calls his own. 

The most shocking thing was the cat. A black tabby that looked beaten all to hell and was missing half her ear, and meowed louder than a dog’s bark. Neil still didn’t believe that her name was King Fluffikins, but he loved it nonetheless. 

At first he had accused Andrew of cat abuse because of the weeks he wasn’t home but Andrew had rolled his eyes and flicked him in the forehead. 

“Renee came and watched her, believe it or not but I wouldn’t keep my cat locked up to starve to death.” 

Still. Neil was getting used to the image of cat dad Andrew, he couldn’t say he was opposed to it.

Currently, he was sitting on the couch that rested in Andrew’s living room. The black cat curled up by his shoulder, soft purrs emitting into his ear as he scratched his fingers through the ragged hair. Maybe he should consider getting a cat. He thinks he’d make a good cat dad too. 

“Still don’t know what you’re bribing her with.” Andrew’s low voice said from the kitchen. Neil could just see him from his seat as he pittered about, making them both dinner. The sight was becoming common - after their first week of only eating take out, Andrew decided to ‘rock his world’ with his cooking skills. 

In all honesty, it almost felt domestic. 

Neil grinned, scratching under King’s chin, “Dunno, I think she just likes me.” 

“King doesn’t like anyone.” Andrew reminds him, his back still turned to Neil so he misses the eyeroll Neil shoots him.

“I’ve heard that one before.” He teases, before he can think better of changing his tone. The words sound flirty even to his own tone deaf ears.

This is how the past weeks have gone, one of them drops a hint, a tease, and waits for the other to bite. 

Usually one of them chickens out.

Like usual, If Andrew knows what Neil is doing, he doesn’t show it; only shrugging his broad shoulders as he dishes up the plates with pasta.

“If you’re insinuating that I like you, you would be incorrect.” 

Neil knows he’s joking - thinks he is. 

But he can’t say he’d really put it past Andrew if he did hate Neil. Hate everything his presence in Andrew’s life has done to him.

But before Neil can dive too deeply into his self hatred, a plate of steaming pasta and steak is placed in front of him on the table. King’s head perks up in interest but Andrew swats her away with his fork.

“Don’t even think of it you little bastard.” He mutters and King meows indignantly before hopping off the couch. Andrew flops beside Neil, a small space between them that Neil wants desperately to close. 

But still, “Eat,” Andrew commands so Neil does.

They eat in mostly silence, it’s good, Andrew is a surprisingly very good cook. Neil either had the best meals a chef could serve or the cheapest thing money could buy. Neil called it variation but everyone else just called it sad - so Neil found himself enjoying Andrew’s safe medium skill level cooking. 

“Itss’ really good ‘drew.” Neil says through a mouth full of pasta and gets a narrowed eyed glare, the grin is spreading across Neil’s lips before he can even think about stopping it and he barely manages to avoid Andrew’s kick to the shins. 

“Idiot- didn’t anyone tell you to not talk with your mouth full.” Andrew grumbles, shoving his face full of more food with a sour expression, but Neil knows it’s only to try and keep his own smirk off his face. His heart feels full, warm, he can’t really describe it. 

He guesses he really just loves… this. 

Once they’ve both finished dinner and Neil has limped over to the sink to wash the dishes, ignoring Andrew’s protests, they both make their way to the couch to watch more pointless movies or shows.

Like usual Andrew just flicks on some station and pulls out his phone, they’ll spend the next few hours doing this. Exchanging small looks from across the couch, sticking a foot out so it rest under another’s leg, stiffening when a sex scene comes on and avoid each other’s eyes.

For a moment, Neil considers saying something when the next awkward sex scene appears. They’ve managed to avoid it the past few days, but it seems the gods no longer are listening to Neil’s prayer as the couple on the screen collapse into the white sheets. 

The fake moans, and sharp cuts of the male actor’s thrusts makes Neil’s face burn. He isn’t sure if it’s from embarrassment or something else but he doesn’t have enough time to think it through because the scene is over and the moment has passed and neither Andrew or Neil comment on the rising tension in the room.

Finally, Andrew stands with a glance down to Neil who follows. Sometimes they don’t need to speak, words have always been overrated in the past. So Andrew turns off the TV, checks on King who is napping in the loveseat by the window and makes his way to his bedroom.

Neil follows, like he has been every other night and he sits on the edge of the bed. His stomach is twisting in knots, his mind repeating the same questions he’s had for weeks over and over again. 

He hears Andrew shuffling through his closest from behind him - probably looking for new clothes to dress Neil in so he can sleep. Andrew has a spare room, and Neil has his own clothes to wear but neither of them mention it to the other. When Neil had come home with Andrew, there hadn’t been any words exchanged between them when Andrew held him to his chest in the shower and helped him get changed afterwards, closing his bedroom door. Neil hadn’t made a peep when Andrew had pulled him into the sheets, tucked him in and fallen asleep with a hand intertwined with Neil’s own.

They were both still scared, so they didn’t leave the other’s sight. Neil understood that. 

“You gonna sit there staring at the wall all night or what?” Andrew asks, suddenly standing in front of Neil and jarring him from his thoughts. Neil glances up at the hazel eyes staring down at him, harsh around the edges, black underneath but concerned. “Everything okay?”

Neil eyes the neatly folded clothes that Andrew is offering him before he speaks, having to unstick his mouth to do so, “I think so?” 

The crack in his voice at the end ruins that illusion of calm and Andrew’s frown deepens, eyebrows drawing together - “You think so?” 

Neil nods, taking the clothes gently from Andrew’s hands as the other sits on the edge of the bed beside him. His weight makes the mattress dip and Neil’s body shifts closer to him without his control.

“Do you want to talk about it with me?” Andrew sounds confused and both of them know they are not used to this comfort thing, this caring thing they have developed between them. “Does it have something to do with what happened?”

Neil blinks, confused for a few moments before realizing that Andrew probably thinks this is about his father. The nightmares he had been having for the past few weeks were an explanation enough that something was wrong with Neil - Andrew had been good, had been there. Even when Neil gave him a clean black eye when he had reached out to touch him on instinct.

Neil’s head sagged. He hadn’t quite forgiven himself for that one. 

“No.” He says tiredly, “Not really. It’s just…” Neil hesitates, eyeing his partner who is still sitting calmly next to him. Or his body is posed so, his eyes read panic. Neil hates it, he hates making Andrew so worried all the fucking time and he hates being this burden in his life, so instead - he kisses his last luck good bye and leaps off the edge in his mind. 

“Are we ever going to have sex again?” 

Neil winces the moment the words leave his mouth, he knows he’s too blunt, he’s never been good with social cues. But watching the expression and emotions flying across Andrew’s face makes Neil wish he had at least tried to understand. 

Surprise, confusion, anger and then embarrassment - those are what flashes across Andrew. The blond stares at Neil for a few moments, before he lifts his brow slowly and his lips twist uncomfortably. 

“That depends,” He starts, “Do you want too?” 

Neil is only slightly surprised by the response, his cheeks tinting red as he looks away; fiddling with his fingers. “I mean… I- I want to do what you want? I guess?”

“No,” Andrew interrupts, firm fingers curl around Neil’s chin and force him to meet his eyes, “That’s not how this works, what do _you_ want, Neil?”

“You,” Is rushing out Neil’s lips just like that night before and Andrew is opening his mouth to argue but Neil scrambles to explain himself. “I’m serious Andrew, I just want you. Of course I want to have sex with you again, I can’t stop thinking about that night. But I also don’t care if you told me right now that you never want to touch me again, as long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter.” He falters for a moment and wishes he could look away from Andrew’s burning gaze. 

Still, he moves on. “I, I never cared about sex. Everyone I was surrounded with was obsessed with it, hell Allison had a different person over every night sometimes. Fuck, she even tried to sleep with me at first, but I just - I didn’t care about that stuff.” He shrugs, “Not until you anyways,” his voice has dropped to a whisper. “I just don’t know what you want.” 

Andrew’s face had stayed steady throughout Neil’s speech, but now the cracks are beginning to show. 

“I told you Neil, I told you that I would give you anything. I told you to stay.” 

Andrew’s eyes drop to Neil’s lips, one hand raising to cup his cheek and using his thumb to stroke idly along it. “I didn’t want to force anything,” he admits.

Neil almost groans, “You’re not, Andrew. I never thought I’d even get the chance to be here, to ask this.” 

“To ask me if I wanted to sleep with you?” Andrew asks, feigning confusion as Neil shoves him lightly, cheeks colouring more. 

“You know what I mean you asshole. Besides, it’s not like you’ve answered me.” He bites back, crossing his arms. 

Like a switch had been flipped, Andrew shifts. So his body is facing Neil and his head is angled just so as he leans in, thumb parting Neil’s bottom lip and just before they can make contact he speaks:

“Of course I do, Neil, fuck, how could I not?” 

Neil releases a shaky sigh, nerves sliding away and something else replacing it. Waiting for Andrew to close the distance but he still doesn’t; 

“Then can we? Can we really have that again?” 

Can we be that close? That safe? That warm? 

“ _Yes, Neil_.” Andrew gasps, promises.

Neil closes the distance between them instead. Andrew’s lips sliding against his own as he wraps a hesitant hand into blond hair and Andrew grabs the back of his head to haul him closer. This reminds Neil of their first kiss, when he had fallen to his knees in front of Andrew and broke, the way Andrew had pressed his lips desperately to Neil’s as if he really was the last thing on this earth. 

Now, it’s the same but different. Andrew is still hesitant, still nervous about crossing a line and Neil feels that mirrored in his own actions. 

“Andrew,” He murmurs against the other’s lip, and gasps when Andrew nips it. “Andrew, where can I touch you.”

Andrew separates from Neil briefly, looking at him with a poorly hidden veil of surprise. Neil raises his eyebrows in hopes to motivate Andrew to answer when he hesitates.

“Anywhere, just… not my ass.” 

Neil can see an almost upset expression cross Andrew’s face so he moves forward to cup his partner’s cheeks and smile, “Okay.” 

He knows their first time was different. Of course this time would be too. 

The relief that sags throughout Andrew’s body is visible, before he repeats the question to Neil. Hazel eyes boring into ice blue. 

“Anywhere, just wanna feel you.” Neil admits, before he’s being smothered by more forceful kisses. Warm hands are moving down his neck, along his arms and grasping his hands - leaving a wake of goosebumps. 

Neil sighs, sinking back into the bed and Andrew follows after him. Straddling his legs over Neil’s hips, the black jeans he hadn’t gotten the chance to change out of pull taunt across his thighs and, _jesus christ,_ Neil isn’t used to experiencing sexual attraction yet. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Andrew asks, hair now mused and pupils blown wide. Neil swallows thickly, staring at the man before him and still trying to understand why he deserved this. 

“Yes, yes I do. Do you?” 

Andrew raises an eyebrow, before he leans down closer to Neil’s face so their noses brush and he repeats his answer against his lips.

“Yes, Neil. Now take off your shirt.” 

Neil laughs, but obeys Andrew’s order and reaches down to pull the blue tshirt off of his body; Andrew making sure to help him so Neil wouldn’t strain himself too much. His body was still healing, but he had lost most of his bandages now so Andrew skims careful hands along his body and over his scars. 

Lips press gently to one of the new marks on his torso, Andrew’s eyes flash up to meet his own as he makes his way to the wound on his side. The mark was freshly healed, so Andrew sticks to kissing on the outskirts. 

“You’re making my job so much harder.” Andrew mumbles against his skin, “you keep getting more.” 

“What job?” Neil questions, arching his back slightly at the quick nip at his collarbone. 

Andrew, ignoring Neil, begins kissing into his neck and cheeks, making them short and rapid to make Neil skirm. Hands splaying across the black shirt, but one reaches up to tug at his hair. 

“You’re deflecting.” Neil accuses and Andrew shrugs against him

“Guess it’s not important.” 

Neil planned on snapping back, but any retort died in his mouth when Andrew’s hands finally landed onto the tie of Neil’s sweatpants. He tugs them in question, glancing up to make eye contact with him and not moving until Neil nods. 

For some reason, Neil still feels slightly embarrassed while Andrew strips him. His breath hitching at the hand curling around his thigh and eyes that wander the exposed skin. As if feeling Neil’s apprehension, Andrew reaches behind himself and tugs his own shirt up and off his body.

“Can I try something?” Andrew asks, hands settling at Neil’s waist. The gentle touch already has Neil nodding eagerly, watching Andrew shift down from his pritch and lean down, pressing hot kisses along his stomach. 

Hands curl around the waistband of Neil’s boxers and those are discarded too. Neil’s mind already fizzing out and the feeling of Andrew’s lips kissing up his thighs, the previous tickleness gone and replaced by a heavy feeling of need.

Then, he feels Andrew’s mouth on him. A broken noise leaves Neil as he throws his head back and scrambles to find purchase in his partner’s hair. The feeling so foriegn and new, Neil feels like he’s going to pass out.

“Holy mother of fuck, shit, shit, shit, ‘drew.” He gasps and only groans loudly when he glances down and meets hazel eyes peering up at him, a small smirk forming along parted lips. 

Andrew pulls off for a moment, eyelashes fluttering, lips pressed to the tip as he speaks, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” He whispers. 

Andrew engulfs him again before Neil can even attempt to form a coherent response. 

“Mmkfffuck.” 

God, so this is what this was all about, he can feel Andrew. Andrew’s hand running up his chest, Andrew making him feel so fucking good his toes are curling and his breath is catching and this is going to be over way too soon if Andrew keeps this up.

“ ‘drew, fuck, Andrew stop or else this isn’t gonna-” He begins and Andrew pulls up, face flushed red and Neil is already grabbing for his face, pulling him into another kiss and ignoring Andrew’s chuckle. 

“What do you want then?” He asks, and Neil shudders, hands carding through Andrew’s curls, staring at his red lips.

“I want what we did last time, if you’re okay too?”

Andrew blinks, hazel finally focusing downwards before he’s lips twitch up slightly “Okay, but you know that isn’t the only way we can have sex right?” 

“Guess you’ll have to educate me then Minyard, I’ve always done better with interactive learning.” Neil hums, making sure to hook one leg across Andrew’s leg. 

Andrew grunts, “That fucking mouth,” he mutters before smashing his lips back into Neil’s. 

They kiss for longer than they planned too, hands grasping at all the available skin they can and Neil begins to explore his growing theory about Andrew’s neck. Making sure to suck, kiss and nip to see all the ways he can make Andrew shudder against him. 

“You can help take my pants off, you can touch me.” Andrew pants against him, hand reaching for Neil’s to slide it down. Neil moves immediately, snatching onto the black belt buckle and unzipping his pants as quickly as possible. 

They make it half way down Andrew’s thighs before he’s moving for his bedside drawer and pulling it open, he moves some things around before pulling out a new bottle of lube and a condom. 

Neil hums under his breath, “Take men here often Minyard?” 

Andrew comes back to frame his face and glares half heartedly, “No, I used to hookup with dudes in dingy backrooms of clubs.”

“Thought you told me I was your first?” Neil asks.

Andrew kisses him again, “You were, like this. They never touched me, it was meaningless handjobs or blowjobs. It helped me... take it back. I guess.” 

Neil grins, a quiet one as he reaches up and cups Andrew’s cheek. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” 

“I’m not, I want you to know. You’re the first for me in ways I don’t think you quite understand.” Andrew admits, head tilting into Neil, eyes watching him softly. That overwhelming ache in Neil’s gut bubbling to life again as the distance between them finally closes. 

After that, the outside world fades away to merky background noise. All there is, and all that matters is Andrew’s hands running over muscles, over spread thighs and working Neil open. Kissing his knees as he coakes noises out of Neil again, the feeling not as strange after the first time. He craves it, already remembering what it felt like to be connected to Andrew, to see the way his face would flush with pleasure. 

He’s sighing, reaching for Andrew and gathering the other up into his arms. He can’t stop pressing his lips to his skin, running his fingers over the bumps and ridges of his arms. Andrew hadn’t put on his armbands once since Neil had come to live with him, another sign of the wordless trust between them. 

Andrew is holding the weight of his body over Neil, bottom lip disappearing between his teeth as Neil sucks on his collar bone. He slides his palms over his chest, tracing the bullet scar on his side. 

“Neil,” Andrew murmurs, “Come back here.” 

Like always, Neil finds it impossible to ignore Andrew’s ask. He flops his head on the pillow, heart rapidly pumping in his chest as he stares at the man before him, at the realization that he is naked under him, waiting for him, wanting him. That he gets to have this again - with Andrew.

Andrew is still fussy with the prep like last time, but he leans down to press their foreheads together, brow knitted together as he asks:

“How do you want this, like last time?” His breath is uneven and Neil smirks a little bit at that as he nods. Shifting to wrap his legs around Andrew’s waist and pull his torso down, enjoying the grunt that slips out of the others lips. 

Maybe in retaliation, Andrew reaches down and hooks his arm under Neil’s knee and brings it up so it dangles over his shoulder. Neil’s face freshes brightly at the new position but he quickly melts when Andrew drags his lips up his neck.

“Gonna make you feel good again, okay? Tell me what you want, tell me what feels good.” He whispers, and Neil is nodding eagerly, wrapping his arms around Andrew’s neck. 

“Yes, yes Andrew. C’mon.” 

Like before, the feeling of Andrew first pressing in is indescribable for Neil. As someone who never thought about sex like other kids did, as someone who didn’t crave it and seek it out, this was the thing that finally made it make sense. The feeling of his body and Andrew’s coming together, to see the way Andrew’s chest jumps and his breath hitches in his throat at the feeling. The small tick in his brow as he finally bottoms out, as he watches Neil tilt his head back with a moan. The desperate kiss, the air between them, charged in need, in satisfaction of knowing that there is no other person that knows him as intimately as this. That Andrew is touching parts of him that no one else will- no one else will see them like this but them.

“Fuck Neil,” Andrew gasps and Neil can’t help but smile. He raises his hips just slightly to move them both, catching Andrew by surprise. 

“So good, Andrew. So fucking good.” 

He bucks his hips again but this time Andrew meets him halfway and it punches as moan out of Neil. Who digs his nails into Andrew’s back to spur him into moving, the other doesn’t hesitate, dropping his head to bury it into Neil’s neck as they both begin to move together. 

It’s faster this time, last time had been about drawing out the moment for as long as they could. Andrew had been slow, gentle as they climbed hand in hand to the peak - because somewhere deep inside them both, they thought it would be the only time they could. 

But today is different, today is crossing the starting line for sure. They chase their pleasure together, they let their torn edges clash against each other, they hold onto sweltering skin and listen to each other’s broken cries.

Well more so Neil’s - Andrew seemed determined to keep as quiet as possible. 

But Neil can see the bitten bottom lip, or the fitful groans that slip out, the tightening of his hands around Neil’s waist or leg, as he rocks just right, into him. 

“Shit, Andrew, why didn’t we do this sooner.” Neil grunts, “Fuck god, do we really get to do this together now?” 

Andrew’s hips stutter at the words, hazel eyes staring down at Neil was amusement clear as day in them. 

“That egar are we?” He kisses him harshly, his smile infectious against his lips, “We can do whatever we want to now.” Andrew promises and it’s that smile and those words that sends Neil flying off the deep end. 

Neil doesn’t fly alone though, Andrew is crashing down after him. Both of them are grasping for the other, the crushing warmth of their bodies as they wrap their arms around each other again. Andrew finally groans loudly into Neil’s neck and a shiver tances across his body, as they both ride out their highs. 

Neil manages to gather his wits first, blinking his eyes open and feeling the heavy weight of Andrew across him. His arms hooked under Neil’s shoulders and curled around the back of his head, breath coming in rough gasps next to Neil’s ear. 

Gently, Neil begins to run his fingers up Andrew’s back, sticking closer to his shoulders to try and avoid overwhelming him. His body is still burning from sensations, Andrew over top of him and inside him - both of them though seem too afraid to let go of the other. 

“Are you okay?” Neil asks quietly, turning his head slightly so he can nuzzle into Andrew’s cheek, pressing a light kiss across the flushed skin. Andrew hums his response, pulling his face up and turns to look at Neil. 

Neil tries to smile, but it falters when he sees the look in Andrew’s eyes. Hazel is burning, almost pained as a shaky hand comes up to caress the scar in Neil’s eyebrow, then his cheek. Eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as he examines Neil’s face over and over again as if trying to commit it to memory. 

“Andrew?” Neil whispers, suddenly unsure but Andrew just shakes his head and leans forward to press a kiss to his lips before pushing himself up and off of the bed. He throws the condom away before pulling on a pair of boxers and turning back around with his discarded black shirt he had been wearing earlier to begin quietly cleaning Neil’s stomach. It reminds Neil of their first time again, of the silence after, and the trembling fingers of Andrew as he cleaned Neil in the silence of the safe house. 

A thought suddenly occurs to Neil, reaching a hand out he wraps it around Andrew’s wrist to stop his movements but to also gain his attention. When he does glance over, the pained expression is still there so Neil tugs gently to bring the other forward. 

Andrew comes crashing down without hesitation, arms coming up and framing Neil’s face as Neil splays his fingers across the other’s. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Andrew.” He says, “I promise, I’m here to stay as long as you want me here.”

He knows that his words might mean nothing now, he knows Andrew should be angrier than he says he is. He wants Andrew to know that he won’t hold that against him if he was, but somehow something stops him from saying it each time. 

Andrew’s brows only furrow more though at the comment, before he shakes his head and kisses him more firmly this time.

“You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to let you go fucking anywhere after all the goddamn work it took getting you back.” He grumbles against his lips before shoving himself out of bed again and throwing the abandoned pajamas at Neil’s still figure. “Now put your fucking dick away, it’s distracting.”

Neil offers a snort at that, but they both know that Andrew’s deflecting right now. So he puts on the clothes offered, as Andrew heads to the bathroom.

When he returns, Neil has already taken up his side of the bed and readjusted the sheets, he waits for Andrew to crawl in and reach out his customary hand.

This time though, Andrew doesn’t. Instead he turns on his side, and opens his arms, Neil doesn’t need to be told twice before he’s scorching forward to bury his face in the familiar pine scent of Andrew’s deodorant. 

He feels a kiss pressed to the crown of his head, before quiet words are confessed into it. 

“Stay in bed tomorrow morning at least, okay?” 

Neil kisses his chest, “Of course, anything.” 

Silence falls on them for a few moments before Andrew speaks again, “I do trust you Neil. I’m just used to… good things leaving.” 

_Good things._ Neil can’t quite understand how he’s still considered a good thing but he nods. 

“I know, me too, but-” Neil shifts so his head is angled up and he can make out Andrew’s face in the dark room. “But we can have this now.”

“This?” Andrew echoes back, “What is _this_ exactly Neil?” 

“Whatever we want it to be.” 

Andrew gazes back at him, his lips pressed together in a thin line as he studies the other. His arms tighten once before he raises an eyebrow.

“What do you want us to be then Neil?” He asks while Neil reaches a hand up to trail his finger down Andrew’s slightly tipped up nose.

“Partners.” He amends, “That’s what we’ve always been right? Why change it.”

“I think having sex means you’ve graduated from just being work partners.” 

Neil shoves the other slightly, before laughing. “You know what I mean you asshole. Partners, in life, work, whatever.” He bites his lip, glancing away for a moment. “If you want me like that,” he adds. 

Either Andrew doesn’t notice the sudden dash of nerves or he picks to ignore it, “Well, I don’t need you being another fuck and run.” He grumbles, but there is no heat in his words as his hand trails up Neil’s spine.

Neil grins, “I think you mean smash and dash.” 

Now it’s Neil’s turn to be shoved to the side, he rolls away laughing, “Hit and run? Pump and dump? A wham-bam-thank-you-mam? Come on Andrew these are amazing!” 

Andrew clambers over Neil and grabs his wrists to pin them to the bed, his grip light enough that Neil knows he can break out of it. He smiles, warmth is such a new freeing feeling.

“Your mouth is horrific.” Andrew hisses, but there’s a smile spreading across his face as he gleans down. Lips clash with another as hands intertwin above their heads.

 _I can have this, I can have him._ He has to tell himself over and over again, _I deserve this, we deserve this._

Foreheads pressed together, frozen lakes meet melted gold, Neil bites his lip.

“So partners?” He asks and Andrew rolls his eyes before nodding. 

“Partners.” He agrees and leans down to kiss Neil senseless but before Neil can allow it he covers Andrew’s mouth and feels his smile grow bigger. 

“How about, toot it and boot it?”

Neil ends up kissing Andrew’s pillow instead.

**Author's Note:**

> i rlly googled all of that 
> 
> comments are v much appreciated, I love hearing your thoughts! Thank you for reading!!
> 
> If you want a sneak peak for The Nameless Reaper, here’s the [playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1DtIV1Xv4oIbD5fV1xCm4H?si=-_nBdDv1QSyvHhtuRnyaXQ)
> 
> (still a work in progress!)  
> (someone please teach me how to properly embed links I'm gonna cry)  
> EDIT: Nora my beta reader saved me again :3 I can embed links now


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